a mother's prayer

i think upon having a child, you immediately become more weepy about things.  while we were at the hospital with lydia, one of my amazing coworkers sent up the christy nockels album.  i love her voice, but most of all, i love the God that she sings of and to. upon hearing a specific track on her album, the tears began to flow as i thought of the small child that God had just blessed us with. this has become my prayer for lydia...and honestly for myself.

For Your Splendor:

I’m so concerned with what I look like from the outside. Will I blossom into what You hope I’ll be. Yet You’re so patient just to help me see. The blooms come from a deeper seed that You planted in me. Sometimes it’s hard to grow when everybody’s watching. To have your heart pruned by the one who knows best. And though I’m bare and cold. I know my season’s coming. And I’ll spring up in Your endless faithfulness. With my roots deep in You. I’ll grow the branch that bears the fruit. And though I’m small, I’ll still be standing in the storm. ‘Cause I am planted by the river by Your streams of living water. And I’ll grow up strong and beautiful, all for Your splendor, Lord. So with my arms stretched out, I’m swaying to Your heartbeat. I’m growing with the sound of Your voice calling. You’re bringing out the beauty that You have put in me. For Your joy and for Your glory falling. With my roots deep in You. I’ll grow the branch that bears the fruit. And though I’m small, I’ll still be standing in the storm. ‘Cause I am planted by the river by Your streams of living water. And I’ll grow up strong and beautiful, all for Your splendor, Lord.

© 2012 sixsteps Music / worshiptogether.com Songs / Sweater Weather Music (ASCAP) (Admin. at EMICMGPublishing.com)

listen to what this song means to christy nockels here. i love that the same song can touch someones' life in different ways.

Father, i pray that lydia will "grow up strong and beautiful, all for Your splendor, Lord!" Amen!!

 

due date

yesterday was july 1st. that was the day that she was due to enter this world.  the Lord had a different plan. He gave me another reason to be thankful for that plan this past weekend. to be 39 weeks pregnant in the kind of heat we had here in georgia would not have been fun.

as i look at our daughter, who has been in our lives for six weeks now, i think...

blessed.  we are blessed.

delivery story (part 4)

wednesday we went to lydia's doctor appointment.  she is weighing in at 4lbs. 8oz. the doctor says that she is looking good.  quite a few people have asked if we have to go to the doctor more often with her.  the answer is no.  the next time she has a routine appointment is in a month.  they are treating her like a regular newborn.  the only things the doctors say they will treat differently is her weight, size, and development.  development, as in talking, crawling, walking, etc.  she could be up to six weeks behind in those things because of being six weeks premature.  with her being the "pistol" that she is, i kinda doubt she will be far behind, if at all. 

this next part of the delivery story is pretty lengthy, but it's the final section and i didn't want to break it up.  enjoy.

Around 1:30pm Sunday afternoon, I felt like my water had broke. I called in the nurse and asked her to check. She said that it wasn't my water but a little bit of blood, and that she needed to get the doctor. Dr. Madden came in and took a quick look. Looking at your dad and I, he told us that blood at this point was not a good thing. He described it as a placenta abruption. He further explained that he had no idea how the bleeding would continue and that we could risk losing me and you by continuing with the regular delivery, or we could move onto his suggestion...c-section...right then. Your dad didn't even look at me before he agreed with the doctor. I am sure the thought of losing both of us was one of the worst thoughts that had ever gone thru his mind.

I will take a time out of the delivery story to brag on your dad. I cannot tell you in words how much he means to me. The entire time I was in the hospital, he didn't leave my side. He slept on an air mattress for the entire 10 days that I was there. And he has been here everyday that you have been in the NICU. He loves me so well. As I am typing this story, you are a week old. The way that I have watched him express his love for you is amazing. It only makes my love for him stronger. He is both of our first loves, Lydia. I am so thankful for him and I pray that we will not take his love for granted. He is an amazing man of God. Please allow him to be a good standard of what kind of man to look for when you get older.

Back to the delivery story. Once we agreed to the c-section, it only took about 10 minutes before they were prepping me in the OR. Apparently, I have tiny veins. This caused a problem the entire hospital stay when it was time for them to take blood for my lab work. It was worse when the anesthesiologist was looking to put in another IV for the medicine to numb me for surgery. He couldn't put it in either arm, so he had to put in a "central line." That would be an IV in my neck. I was pretty scared. Your dad couldn't be in the OR as they were prepping me, so that made me even more anxious, but luckily the anesthesiologist was really nice and talked me thru the process. 

Once I was prepped, they brought your dad into the room. He sat beside me while they began the process of bringing you into this world. On Sunday, May 20th, 2012 at 1:59pm, the doctor pulled you out. At that moment, I heard the most amazing sound. You were crying! All 3lbs and 1oz of you was crying!!! That was the best sound I have ever heard. You see, I think Dad and I had half prepared for the possibility of you needing breathing support. The neonatologist had come into the room earlier in the week to explain what the possibilities and risks were with a preterm baby at the size and age you were. The need for breathing support was one of those. I am so thankful I heard that cry from you. I knew that you were ok. The doctor called you a "pistol," because you were kicking and screaming, yet you were so tiny. 

Dad stayed with me while the nurses rolled you to the NICU. Nonnie and Granny were in the hallway as the nurses wheeled you by, so they were able to see you for a second. I am sure there were tears from both of them. After they got me stitched back up, your dad came to the NICU with you. I had to be in recovery for a little while before I was able to see you. During the time that I was in recovery, you were doing so well that they moved you out of the NICU and into the Intermediate nursery. You never had to be on any type of breathing support or oxygen. Glory to God!!

After my recovery stay, they moved me to a different room in the Antepartum side. As they were wheeling me to my room, they took me inside of the nursery and let me reach in the incubator that you were in to touch you. You looked perfect!

I had to stay on the magnesium sulfate for 24 hours after I delivered you. With preeclampsia, the symptoms don't go away for me immediately. It could actually take up to a month for everything to regulate back to normal. Because of being on the mag and the epidural, they made me stay in the bed. This caused me to have to wait awhile before I was able to hold you. Friends and family were coming up to visit, and Dad was able to show you off to everyone. In the nursery, they had you right next to a window where we could open the blinds for everyone to see you.

Once the medicine was out of my system, I was able to be wheeled down to the nursery in a wheelchair and see you. You were so beautiful! It was Wednesday before I was able to hold you. The first time that I held you, I was able to feed you some of your bottle. Drinking the bottles really wore you out because you were so tiny. Every other time you ate, they gave it to you thru a feeding tube so that you could gain weight and get stronger.

As I write, I am sitting in the room with you. You have been in this nursery for 12 days. You are getting a little stronger each day! Dad and I are so ready to bring you home!! We pray everyday for you! We cannot express our love for you. You are truly a gift given to us by God. Our lives are better with you in it.

We love you very much!  Love, Mom 

part 1, part 2, and part 3...so you can read the whole story

delivery story (part 3)

i apologize that it has been a couple of days. i have been running on coffee and adrenaline. who knew that babies would keep you up at night?!? since my last post, lydia became a month old. we had a huge party! not really. you see, preemie babies are pretty much banned from being around a lot of people at one time for a few weeks. this mom is not one to stay indoors or at home for long periods of time. i am very thankful that i am married to a man who knows that and encourages me to have some time away. frozen yogurt with a good friend is always needed. and daddy-daughter time is very important too. love that man!!!

onto part 3 of the delivery story.

Back to the hospital stay, Tuesday and Wednesday's lab work just showed the protein in my urine. Therefore, I was just monitored closely. Thursday is when things began to change. My lab work resulted in my liver enzymes doubling. With that showing up, the doctors put me on a medication called magnesium sulfate. This was to slow down the progression of symptoms and to keep me from seizing (which is another symptom). Basically, it made me feel extremely heavy and hot. At this point, I was only able to go from the bathroom to the bed. Complete bed rest. 

The crazy thing about all of this is that I, up to this point, had felt like I was fine. All the things that were going on were happening inside my body. Not on the outside for me to be able to tell that something was wrong. Therefore, it was hard to lay there and feel "ok," besides the magnesium.

On Friday, there wasn't much change, so they continued to monitor me closely. Saturday is when things got interesting. At that point my labs were showing high blood pressure, protein in my urine, problems with liver, and new on the scene, extremely low platelet count. Your platelet count is supposed to be in the 130,000s. Mine had dropped to 80,000. I had begun to have pain on my right side in the middle of my back, which I later found out was due to my liver issue. Headaches and swelling had also begun. The docs didn't want to continue waiting because they were nervous of the possibility of my platelet count dropping further, and my liver to continue failing. Time to begin induction of labor. 

When the choice was made to begin labor, the doctor on call explained the risks of a c-section and a regular delivery. Her explanation was NOT awesome. Basically, the risks of c-section were higher. Surgery equals more blood, and with a low platelet count, the risks go up. A regular delivery would probably have to be done naturally, because the anesthesiologist wouldn't put in an epidural with my platelet count being below 100,000. After explaining, she said she would leave the room so we could decide how to precede. We asked for her advice as a doctor, but she did not give us a straight answer. Upon her stepping out of our room, your dad hit his knees and prayed that the Holy Spirit would guide us in making our decision. We had no clue what to do. We were scared of the risks of the c-section, and we didn't know if my body was strong enough to deliver naturally due to the magnesium sulfate (which I had to remain on up to 24 hrs. after your delivery). After our prayer, the doctor came back in and said she had gotten anesthesia on the phone, and they were willing to put my epidural in right then, because my most recent labs had just come back saying that my platelet count had risen back to 101,000. They didn't want to wait and take the chance of them dropping again. We agreed to the epidural, which made our decision to proceed with a regular delivery. Thank you, Lord, for answering our prayer! 

I will leave out a lot of the details here. Just know that for them to begin the process of labor was not fun for me. There was checking things and placing things inside that were quite painful. I pushed through because I knew I would meet you soon enough! One thing that I can explain, was that my blood pressure had begun to spike even higher. They pushed a blood pressure medicine through my IV, and I immediately felt like my face was burning.  I called the nurse back in and told her what was happening. I was having an allergic reaction. Your dad had stepped out to get himself some dinner. When he came back, my face looked like a tomato, and Nonnie (my mom) was wiping my face with a cold rag. Crazy, huh?!?

After that, we had to wait 12 hours to see if what they used to begin labor was working. It didn't work as well as they wanted, but i had progressed a little. The next doctor on call was Dr. Madden. It was now Sunday May 20th, 2012. When he saw that I had progressed enough for pitocin, that is what was next. This is when the contractions were supposed to begin. The epidural was working great. I felt the tightness of my belly contracting, but not the pain. The mag was still making me feel heavy so I slept a lot...  

(to be continued...)

links to part 1 and part 2 in case you missed any of the story

delivery story (part 2)

just another part to the letter i have written to lydia about her delivery story. you can find part 1 here.

1st full day in hospital (braid by hannah)

 

Monday morning came. Our appointment was with Dr. Miles at 9am. They did the regular check up things. My weight (151lbs. I had gained 25lbs), my blood pressure, and urine check. She then came in and did a detailed ultrasound of you. The pictures of you looked good. You were just measuring small for 33 weeks. The doc came in and talked with us. She said that my blood pressure was high. Basically, you were either smaller because you would just be petite, or because you weren't getting the nutrients from my placenta that you needed. Because of my high blood pressure, I was at risk for preeclampsia, so they wanted to begin monitoring me closely. I had a follow up appointment for that Thursday and was placed on bed rest for the week.

We began the texting and calling marathon. We wanted everyone covering you in prayer. Thankfully, we have friends and family in the medical field. Lindsay Patton had become one of my closest friends. She is a registered nurse. Upon hearing about my high blood pressure, she went out and bought me a blood pressure cuff to keep at home.

I spent the entire afternoon on the couch that Monday. After dinner, Lindsay texted me asking me to check my BP and send her the numbers. It was 137/107. Apparently that bottom number is extremely high. Lindz called immediately and told me "not to be mad at her, but she wanted me to call the doctor." I was a good patient and did as told. The doctor on call told me to lay on my left side all night and to go back to the doc Tuesday morning for a BP check.

Following directions, I found myself back at the doctor Tuesday morning (May 15th). My blood pressure was still high, so the doc was about to send me back home on complete bed rest. That was until he got the results of my urine sample. There was +3 protein in my urine. This is yet another sign of preeclampsia. Dr. Crossing sent me to the hospital. Your dad and I went home, packed a few things, figured out where to send Ringo (our Australian Shepherd pup), and were on our way. 

We checked in and got settled in a room at Piedmont Hospital in Atlanta. We knew we were there for at least 24 hours because they were running labs on me. Labs included blood work and a 24hr urine sample.

After looking at the lab results the doctors diagnosed me with "mild" preeclampsia. Basically, when they see that you have preeclampsia, they keep you at the hospital until you deliver your baby. The reason for this is because preeclampsia can progress so quickly from "mild" to "severe."

The entire time I had two monitors on my belly. One was monitoring your heartbeat. The other was to gauge if I was having contractions. Just so you know, you were strong the entire time! They never were worried about you...

(to be continued...)